Steviecool Comic Art and Parody Show

X-Men #2 - In My Own Words

2010-07-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

Amazing how I didn't make one Twilight reference...

Amazing Spider-Man #638 - In My Own Words

2010-06-22T22:25:00.002-07:00

At last, Marvel starts to reveal how the marriage of Mary Jane and Peter DIDN'T happen in "One More Day". Being married, this was a no-brainer.

Death of Dracula - Addendum

2010-06-22T22:25:00.001-07:00

I would just like to point out... Jake and Vienna split up today.
Dracula is a mean, mean, man.

Death of Dracula #1 - In My Own Words

2010-06-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

Siege Preview - In My Own Words

2009-11-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

Ah joy, the return of the wordless previews. This gives me a great chance to see how well I can add the missing text. So far, after comparing what I THINK they're going to say vs. what they DID say, I am 0 for 213 pages.

Let's see if I can get my first win.

Review: Superman World of New Krypton #4

2009-06-05T20:16:00.002-07:00

Superman: World of New Krypton #4

Well, it was bound to happen - the Green Lantern Corps had to get involved, especially with Blackest Night coming up. You can't just set up a new planet and expect the universal police force to go "whatever"...

Hal Jordan, Jon Stewart, and Sodam Yat arrive on New Krypton for a fact finding mission from the Guardians. How weird, though. I mean, can't they use telescopes? Secretly, my theory: you know the Guardians sent Hal to stir up trouble, Stewart because he destroys planets (Mosaic), and Sodam as a reminder that there are other races out there as powerful as the Kryptonians. Sneaky blue guys.

Zod shows up, verbal barbs shot out and parried, the Green Lanterns are welcomed with open arms. This gives us readers more of a plausible reason for explanations of how things work on New Krypton - which is nice.

Zod pulls Kal-El to go over his new assignment - not capturing the 13 renegade Kryptonians that were used the last time they tried to take over Earth. Kal-El wants a more active role in the capture, Zod says nuh-uh. Methinks Zod is up to something, if not only to show "I'm Superman's Boss"

Oh, good, Zod is building an armada of spaceships in plain sight - "a need for defensive readiness". Hal balks, Kal-El at least is honest with saying he doesn't know what to say.

Explosions. Kryptonian fugitive #1 spotted. Cue "Bad Boys" music. Green Lanterns also have a warrant out for this guy. Cue "Buddy Cop Internal Strife" music. Zod chimes in on a secure channel for Kal-El's #2 radio - ice him. Hal's ring picked it up, Kal-El heard it as well.

Kal-El says to belay that order? And instead, Kal-El's #2 listens and captures the fugitive? And they say this over a public channel? What are they - five? Pretend to kill him, yet he lives. Use code words. Nope, not here. Guess what that is... TREASON!

Too bad the Green Lanterns had already left, Hal being disgusted that they weren't able to extradite him. Jon Stewart reminds him they have no claim, and he's still mad? So the only law that matters is the Green Law? That's pretty racist, Hal.

And at the end of the issue - Kal-El and his #2 get arrested for... well, I already said it.

Overall:
It's a fun read, with it's perks and low points. Enjoyed the manner of explaining more about New Krypton. Disappointed that the fight on the cover didn't happen anywhere in the issue - not even closely. I would have liked to have seen a fight over jurisdiction. Enjoyed the involvement of the Green Lantern Corps. Disappointed that Zod/Krypton seems to be running wild after only a few issues.

Just like watching "24", the gray areas of ethics vs. society seem to play key roles in the story, with Kal-El as a guest star. And that's pretty cool.

Review: Secret Six #10

2009-06-05T20:16:00.001-07:00

Secret Six #10

OK, so I'll start out saying I'm not gentle with this issue.

The story starts out with Magneto, Lara Croft, and George Constanza running a slave labor operation. Not sure what they're mining for yet. I'm sure it will be explained as shock reveal next issue. They treat people badly, killing, etc. Bad people.

Bane is having bad dreams. He gets up, (shudder) nude (shudder), only to encounter Scandal waiting for him in the bathroom. Is he returning to his Venomous ways, she asks? Bane says no. You know, with a red wig, Bane could pass for Knockout... nahhhh, she'd never. Oh wait. Never mind. It happens. Sans wig.

Jeanette and Deadshot wait for their new client, as she reveals more on her history. I think it'd be more interesting if she wore a costume. Had a codename. Had some sort of freaky powers. Right now, she's "Tough girl with white hair #7."

The new client arrives and it's - duh duh duh! Magneto, Lara Croft, and George Constanza. Posture, posture, posture, I'm evil, I'm eviler, we're all evil = yawn.

The Secret Six are now on a plane with Croft & Costanza, transporting a magic box that smells bad. Costanza rants about it being God's will, will terrify and inspire... man this is about as talky as a Seinfeld episode.

Boom! Plane get hits. Plane goes down on the backup airfield, which is close to the base, but not quite. Rebels vs. Secret Six, who are suddenly very afraid of bullets? Took on the entire Society, but now bullets are weawwy, weawwy scawy? I guess I'm not feeling this issue. Good, uh, bad guys still win. Our bad guys.

Magneto shows up in a jeep with Artemis in tow, bound and cuffed. Magneto tells the misbehaving red shirt slave from the beginning of the issue she is free to go, then tells Deadshot to shoot her. Which he does. The woman who we all learned to love and care for since the opening four page segment, is now gone. Magneto is happy.

Man, I'm glad they had that happen, because I wasn't sure that a Magneto looking guy running a slave labor camp where he kills the slaves randomly and keeping former Former Wonder Women as bound carpool buddies was a bad guy.

I had to double back to make sure Simone wrote this. Then I checked to make sure this wasn't a Mckeever Teen Titans issue. Very few humorous points, although the story did progress the development of Jeanette, Bane, and Scandal as characters. Given that last issue was a Catman, Ragdoll, Bane-heavy issue, I'm willing to say "fair's fair"

But all in all, my least favorite issue of Secret Six. I'm hoping this is a two-parter so we can move on.

Review: Ultimatum #4

2009-06-05T20:15:00.001-07:00

Ultimatum #4

Recap page! That's totally a worthy recap page. I am not a fan of recap pages, and I have the previous issues, and I still went over this recap page. It's an awesome recap page.

We start out where we left off - or was that in Ultimate SpiderMan? Hulk smashing the hell out of Dr. Strange's place. Everything goes white! Crap, did someone say "No more Mutants" again? We're left to wonder what happens.

Kitty Pryde finds his mask. So he must be dead.

A Power-Rangers-sized Dorammu rises from the rubble, with Johnny Storm in his amulet. Dr. Strange is there! Wait, he said Spider-Man sacrificed himself to stop Dorammu. Speculation or fact? We're left to wonder what happens, becauuuuse -
the Master of Mystic Arts gets Anaconda'd to death. Squish.

Next up to fight Dorammu: the Invisible Girl and the Thing! And then... we're left to wonder what happens.

(Pay no attention to the mystery person shrouded in darkness who sighs "Oh Stephen" and teleports the Strange corpse - no pun intended - away. We're left to wonder what happens. Shhh... shhh... I know....)

Choppers shooting at Hulk! Xmen shooting at Choppers! Hulk almost attacking Logan! Hulk deciding to help after a plea from Jean Grey! I guess if I hadn't just finished the Ult. Hulk/Wolverine, I wouldn't be saying "I thought Banner had this under control?" But whatever, if Dr. Strange's house exploded on me, I'd be a little wired, too.

Be careful! You may have missed the text box that barely tells you we're now in the Supreme Power universe. I missed it the first two times. Reed Richards, Doom, Arcana, and Big Barda (I mean Zarda) show up to ell Fury it's time to come home! Fury declines! Barda/Zarda punches his car! Reed brings Fury up to date, and Fury gets to say "I told you so!"

But bang, pow, I did not see the cause of all this coming - oh wait, I did read Ultimates Vol. 4, but that was soooooo long ago... Fury outs Doom! No, not that way. As the cause of all this - he killed the Scarlet Witch. Drive Magneto batty, pick up the pieces as the ruler of the Earth. I never figured Ultimate Doom to be such a _______. I'm going to conquer a ruined Earth? Wimpy wimpy wimpy. Reed and Barda (darn it - Zarda) rage, but Fury said ease off. he could have killed Doom if he wanted to. Ouch.

Cue back to the Ultimate U - Kitty is reviewing "I found his mask but I don't know if he's dead." Logan has picked this time to leave Kitty his "In case I die" box. Full page splash (preview of things to come) - Kitty can't go on this fight, because she's "one of the best" Hmmmm... Kitty and the X-Men? I'd buy it.

Finally, everyone vs. Magneto! Magneto has gone Apocalypse Now. Not to be confused with Apocalypse. Angel first in. Angel first out. Sabretooth starts pulling wings, but he'll just come back as Arch- oh, no, guess not.

Magneto limps away with - Thor's Hammer? WTF? I thought he just got that Factory X prop! Valkyrie shows up! She wants Thor's Hammer! And, just like (Green Lantern Spoiler) Agent Orange, she hacks off a part of the owner as well. Magneto magnent-grabs her sword and - well, cuts her but it's all inked black so we don't know one way or the other. Nick, cut, deep cut, fatality? Again, we're left to wonder what happens. We see her face in the next panel, so I assume a nick.

Cap through the skylight with the shield! Unfortunately, (Old Man Logan Spoiler) Marvel only allows one Captain America shield decapitation per month. Magneto flees to another room, just in time to...

Spout Bible verses! The cad! Logan, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm, Hawkeye and iron Man look on, posing as if waiting for next issue to strike!

Oh wait, they are.

Overall:
I know this is supposed to be a crazy roller coaster ride. However, more than six different plotlines can be a bit much. Instead of this really cool kick-*** story, I feel like I'm reading a DC zero-issue that just teases at what's going on.

There's more posturing than fighting in this issue, and I think that's where it loses points for me. Practically everyone in this issue is striking a pose. Everyone. And not like "striking a pose while the battle is going on". As in "my pose is the entire scene while I say something witty or bold."

I love Finch art. I just wish this issue was more than seventeen variations of "Figure standing defiant"

If you haven't picked it up yet, hold off. This issue is just going to depress you.

Review: Wolverine #72

2009-06-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

Wolverine #72
-----------------

Short Recap:
Continuation of the Postman-ish Old Man Logan storyline, set in the far future after the heroes lost.

Details:
Page 1 recap of the new United States. I really like this map.

Splash page of the Red Skull triumphant. However, it's Bucky Cap, so it's like the Borg beating Cisco. Megatron defeating Rodimus Prime. It's not really a win the Skull should gloat so hard over in my book.

Oh, crap, is Bucky crying? Really? Give that man a big red S.

I refuse to spoil the awesomeness of the Red Skull's trophy room - and the conversations in it. However, I will say these scenes are 10 times better, if not 100, than the Hulk's Future Imperfect one.

Lackeys come in with dead Hawkeye (who is Hawkeye and not Ronin, thankfully) and dead Logan. Whaaaa? Yeah. Suprise! Possum! However, Old Man Logan vs. Old Man Skull is perfectly done as neither is at the top of their game. Skull grabs the Ebony Blade. Logan grabs... duh duhn duhhhhhh... Thor's hammer! No, not really. Cap's shield. You know he was going to grab that shield.

Villain going "No..." scene

Shield hit.

Shield hit.

Shield hit.

Aw yeah.

Shield hit.

Shield hit.

Logan says "Stay down!" Really? This goes up there with Bucky Cap crying. Really? Is this an episode of Smurfs?

Skull does his best villainesque Die-Hard comment as Logan stands above him with the shield poised to strike.

"Don't make me laugh. You haven't got the guts."

User comment: AAAAAAAGH! I turn the page and have an advertisement here?? AAAGH!!!! And it's double page! %##*!@^!(*^!!!!!

Pleasepleaseplesepleaspleasepleaseplesepleasplease decapitate on the next page. Please. Pun intended.

Spoiler: (Double page-spread of a Wolverine video game ad later...): Oh ***** YES.

Post-Logan-Return-to-glory-bliss later, here come the cannon fodder guards, outside, ready to bust in.

Pleasepleaseplesepleaspleasepleaseplesepleasplease put on the chain mail. Please. Be Cap.

AWWWWWWHHH! Iron Man? Really? Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Loan grabs the cash in a nearby suitcase and bolts. What? Why not take over and - oh crap, forgot about his family back home. The rent's due.

Now hot damn, this is great story writing. All those issues crossing the US of A, and I forgot that with the Iron Man armor, its a matter of minutes. That's cool. That's awesome.

Too bad the Banners came by early. Too bad "they were bored", the guy named Donovan outside his house says.

Dead Logans all across the floor of his house.

"You ain't the man you used to be, Logan... Dont go looking for revenge in those hills."

"The name isn't Logan, Bub..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! Another Page I have to flip? Why can't this be a fold-out?!?!?!

Pleasepleaseplesepleaspleasepleaseplesepleasplease let it be snikt. Snikt. Snikt. It's time. Snikt.

Holy smokes. A two page spread of Snikt. Just the word. Two pages. And it's worth it.

"It's Wolverine."

Aw yeah.

Overall:
Now, although I really, really, try to stay away from reading the previews of the comics I plan to buy - I read this preview as soon as it was out. So some of the magic was gone. had I not seen the preview, maybe this, and not New Avengers #51 would have been my favorite of the week. This was a close second.

Story:
We're in the payoff part. Bad guy corpses just HAVE to start lining up to make the miniseries work. Of course this is a blast.

Artwork:
It's McNiven. That's like asking if your VISA card is accepted at the store. Yes. Yes it is.

Final Word:
I'm a sucker for future-post-apolcalypse stories. This is my favorite Wolverine story ever.

Review: Dark Avengers #4

2009-06-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

Dark Avengers #5
-------------------------

We start the issue off with Norman doing an interview. Now, this has already been done in another issue so I wasn't looking forward to this, but this was an extended interview, and it really tackled some tough questions/items.

1. Norman saying 'I just need a moment' before they start - awesome. This shows me the house of Norman is a house of glass.

2. Norman saying 'I'm probably just the flavor of the month' - equally awesome and fourth-wall-ish. While I dislike villains-gone-wild, the concept of writers winking at us, telling us 'hold on, the good guys are coming back', helps. It does.

3. Norman defining rationalizing himself as 'the will of the people'. Just scary.

4. The comment 'give the country what it deserves'. Ow ow ow ow.

Switch to the Dark Avengers facing off the Sentry, who is mysteriously back from the dead after last issue. There is nothing I can write here that surpasses the conversation that the Iron Patriot (Osborn to you newbies) has with the Sentry. Needles to say, the Sentry, although probably the least INTENTIONALLY villainous, is till undoubtedly the scariest ***** ****er of all the Dark Avengers.

Back to the interview! Back to (real) Hawkeye's public statement that Norman is a bad guy! Holy Crap! Norman admits to being the Green Goblin? Wow. However, he claims he is cured. That others have taken on the Green Goblin mantle. Spin Doctor!

Now to Avengers Tower. Fake Hawkeye and Fake Spiderman (Bullseye and Venom) are arguing. Ares tries to rally the troops. Well, he slaps Bullseye. Then he tries to do a Captain America speech. Bulls-hawk-eye appears to follow the leader. Why do I think this will lead to Bulls-hawk-eye killing Phobos (his son)? I think it will.

Apparently Norman drugs his Avengers into behaving. I would rant about how wrong this is, but have you ever been to a horse show in real life? Same thing happens.

Back to the interview. Norman basically says "Hawkeye (real) was a convict who became an Avenger. Why can't I be one?" Ouch. Never thought of it that way.

Ares goes home. Phobos not home. Ares sees that Phobos has stopped going to school. Ares make angry face. Ok, seriously? What, is Ares is worried about the S.O.L.'s? Really? Come on.

Back to the interview. Spin spin spin.

Now back to "The Real World - Dark Avengers". Awww snap! Moonstone-Ms. Marvel seduces Marvel Boy-Captain Marvel! Bulls-Hawk-eye looks on as the door closes. Does his heart belong to Marvel Boy or Ms. Marvel? Maybe both? We're left to wonder.

Now over to Los Angeles. Super Soaker attack! Seriously, I'm not getting the super-soaker-attack thing. I mean, just dumb. Oh good. Flying Manta Ray Super Soaker Attack. That makes just SO much more sense. This part was the DUFF (Dumb Ugly Fat Friend) of the hotness of the rest of the issue.

Back to Ms Marvel Moonstone and Captain Marvel Boy. Pillow talk. Ms Marvel Moonstone lays down some more of her mental trappery as - THIS JUST IN! Atlantis Attacks II!

Norman's best line:
"Avengers... You know. Get them together."
Classic!

My favorite issue of the week!

The Norman Osborn Interview

2009-05-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

Amazing Spider-Man 595

Blackest Night: Blirestorm

2009-05-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

MajorsSpoilers.com Asked, We Deliver

2009-05-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

More Blackest Night Teaser/Demotivators...

Blackest Night-Time Funnies

2009-05-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

Hawkeye: Dark Reign #1 Parody

2009-02-20T18:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how successful these one-dimensional villains will be.

Final Crassness

2009-01-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

I really do enjoy Final Crisis. I do. I enjoy it more after people explain the 90% of the really deep things I missed. It can't be all things to all people in all panels.

Still... I guess based on the previews and drama of it all, I was expecting more Geoff Johns than Grant Morrison. More JSA, less Doom Patrol. So this is how I make fun of my false expectations.

Secret Warriors #1 - ReWorded

2009-01-07T18:52:00.001-08:00

Plus One, Minus One Review: Teen Titans #64

2008-10-31T21:19:00.000-07:00

Plus One, Minus One:
Teen Titans 64

-1 The cover
What, DC, no fridge in the cover?
I think it would have been more tasteful without the blood. But I've been saying that for the last five or ten issues.
Score: -1

+1
I'm with you all the way. Foreshadowing? Only a few Titans left.
Score: 0

-1
"Lost our super slugger"
Wait, but she's there.
That's like saying someone's "done for" and they're still in the room with you.
Not getting it.
Score: -1

+1
Simplified origin of Bombshell that even I can understand
Score: 0

-1
They can't draw the origin? Why do we need 10 panels of faces telling the story?
Score: -1

-1
8 pages devoted to the origin of the villain
Score: -2

-1
Oh good, more killing. Is this a MAX title? Oops, I meant Vertigo. No, wait. MAX.
Score: -3

-1
Oh, good, a full page where a single panel would do.
Score: -4

+1
Teamwork. Finally.
Score: -3

+1
Bombshell breaks free with ease. Individual minus 1 for Robin getting knocked back eight feet, just by Bombshell spinning in a circle.
Score: -2

+1
"But Dad"
Score: -1

+1
The symmetry of Bombshell's Dad trying to help his bad daughter vs. WG's Dad not helping his good daughter.
Score: 0

-1
What the **** is up with those vanity mirror video communicators? Seriously, not everything has to be widescreen.
Score: -1

+1
Although I hate Wonderdog, the last three panels are so "House of Mystery"
Score: 0

-1
Greg Land face. And a bad one at that.
Score: -1

-1 Oh good. Last page as grueome as the cover. No points for symmetry here.
Score: -2

Overall, I really have lost faith in this title. I know it's never going back to the good old days of Young Justice. But it'd be nice.

The interview I read this week does inspire me to keep reading, in case they do manage to pull this off as a Cap's Avengers. However, Cap's Avengers didn't have throats being slit and dogs ripping apart people in each issue.

If DC ever decides to stop writing comics like slash-fic, the title could have a chance.

Skrully Downtime 12

2008-10-24T17:31:00.001-07:00

Man, what am I going to do when Secret Invasion is over???

Plus One, Minus One Reviews: Secret Invasion #7

2008-10-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

Plus One, Minus One scorecard

-1 “The Earth is now part of the Skrull Empire”

Whoa. Back up. I thought the purpose was that they thought Earth was religiously destined to make this new throneworld. There’s a big difference. To me it’s the equivalent of “They’re opening a new Wal-Mart on Earth” vs. “The new Wal-Mart headquarters is Earth”. Already, I’m thinking, “do the writers even remember the plot?”

Score: -1

-1 It’s a random assortment of characters on the title page. Yes, I know it’s a lot of people. But why list 24? Why not just the Avengers?

Score: -2

+1 Green boxes around the confirmed Skrulls

Score: -1

-1 Spider-Woman BEHIND all the guys saying “get Spider-Woman”. How hard would it have been to draw them approaching her?

Score: -2

-1 When are Ares and Thor Brothers? They’re not black.

Score: -3

-1 Why do some heroes get word labels, some don’t? Yes, I guess I’m OCD about this.

Score: -4

+1 Fury/Osborn banter

Score: -3

+1 Three consecutive rump shots of the wasp.

Score: -2

-1 Wolverine dry-humping a Skrull. Never acceptable.

Score: -3

+1 Very Buffy-esque Skrull “if you;re going to turn it into a thing”

Score: -2

+1 Two Buffy lines in a row. Nice one, Stature.

Score: -1

-1 Bullseye gets a word label, Spider-Man does not. Wow.

Score: -2

+1 Nine Invisible Women Attack. I would surrender.
+1 OK, Sue’s my favorite, so that makes it extra naughty

Score: 0

+1 “I can see through you” - so witty.

Score: 1

+1 Howard the Duck? Missed that the first time.

Score: 2

+1 I know it’s not the REAL Galactus, as he does not use a “G” on his outfit, but still. Pretty funny to see a beat-down.

Score: 3

-1 Two pages for Jewel to decide to enter the battle? Eh.

Score: 2

-1 Noh-Varr arrives, but it doesn’t show him wearing the Skrull Nega-Bands. I was really expecting that.

Score: 1

+1 “I’ll take these” - FINALLY

Score: 2

+1 “I need a little” - Baby, we ALL need a little from time to time.

Score: 3

-1 Eh. Come on, we know they’re not going to die. “Something weird happens!” Yeah, I’ll be wringing my hands until the next issue. Yawn.

Final Score: 2

So overall, more good moments than bad. The banter saved it, but the plot still is pretty shaky. The Skrulls attacking now is kind of like going “all in” on the second card. Sure, you may have two aces, but maybe you should have played it a bit slower with the competition.

I guess I’m not seeing the purpose of a secret invasion if the main goal was to just attack Earth. Why use any subterfuge then?

I do think Bendis got shorted though. If none of the regular titles acknowledge the Skrull Invasion, or the before/after parts, how important was it, overall? It’s like going to a party, someone telling you Monday “You were there? You missed the fight!“ and thinking “I was there - no one mentioned anything, and I was there all night. So how big could this fight have been?“

Secret Invasion got devalued by not having any lasting implications for this first year. Seriously, they couldn’t work SOMETHING into any issue of FF, Thor, X-Men, Captain America, Iron Man, or Hulk? Wow, this is a really important crossover. Huge, lasting effects.

I feel bad for Bendis, because I see where it could have gone, but I also see where the line was drawn, too. Go nuts with the C-listers, but nothing else.

When you combine all these special one-shots, mini-series, and lack of Avengers in Avengers titles, this was Marvel’s “Countdown”. It just used higher-ranked heroes than DC did.

Skrully Downtime 11

2008-10-21T15:30:00.001-07:00

Spoilers!

Skrully Downtime 10

2008-10-21T15:29:00.001-07:00

Iron Man 7 - Blast

2008-10-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

What if the heroes were aware of all the retcons?

Skrully Downtime 9

2008-10-12T21:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay - parodies are so much easier when something actually happens in the actual book.

Skrully Downtime 8

2008-09-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

(This happens right at the end of Secret Invasion #6)

Spider-Girl #25 - The Preview Without Spider-Girl

2008-09-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

The Power of Three (Dollars)

2008-09-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

As always, there are rumors of price increases. So far, the people I know have been cutting back some, but not altogether.

I've heard that several titles will be $3.99 on the next price increase - maybe December. I'm hoping that it's not the titles I read, but Murphy's Law, they will be.

So now I'm questioning - is it time to cut out?
Now we're passing the magic barrier of 3.
Trinities.
Trilogies.
Threepeats.

Are comics worth $4 an issue to me? No, I was tentative at $3. That's not a dig on the writers or artists - I think the cost for everyone to get that book out there is just higher. I don't see where it costs $1 to get the book on the shelf, and the comic company is profiting $2 a book. It's just a gradual buildup of costs.

So where can costs be cut?
- Can we go with cheaper paper?
- Can lower costs at the printers?
- Can we lower costs in distribution?

How will comics try to cut costs?
- Black & White issues?
- Bundled issues as a series? Double-issue books for $5 ($1 cheaper than the two books separately)
- Delaying the release of TPB's even further?
- Selling issues through Amazon.com the day of release?

I don't have any answers. But the solutions I think of kind of depress me.

I used to have HBO, but costs and delays of good material made me drop it.
I used to subscribe to Wizard, but the lack of material that interested me for the cost.
I used to go to movies weekly, but at $9 for 1950's movie remakes, now I just go with a DVD unlimited package.

My plea to Wal-Mart
Just like you did for $4 subscriptions, step in and starts offering $2 comics.

Otherwise, I don't see this going well for comics OR me.

Skrully Downtime VII

2008-09-10T18:17:00.001-07:00

You have to have purchased at least three Yellowjacket Secret Invasion issues to fully appreciate the joke.

Skrully Downtime VI

2008-09-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

More Skrulls. More downtime.

Daredevil #111: The One With One More Day

2008-09-02T13:32:00.001-07:00

I haven't made fun of One More Day in a while...

Flash for Vice-President

2008-09-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

OK, switching gears back to my own artwork, which is nowhere as polished.

I know there have been issues of Superman-what-ifs where he ran for President.
This is my take on "What if they went with The Flash as V.P.?"

Deadpool #1 Parody: The Answer is Blue

2008-08-31T15:29:00.000-07:00

I may have video games on the mind...

Mighty Avengers #18: Old School Is King

2008-08-29T13:26:00.001-07:00

It is. Quit complainin'.

In Praise of the Local Comic Shop

2008-08-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm taking a break from the daily attempt at humor to write about something important.

Your Local Comic Shop.

Now if you're reading this blog, you probably already go to one. I mean, let's be serious, you need at least 10 short boxes in your back room just to get half my jokes. And I'm cool with that. I'm not doing this site for a profit, or to get recognized. I wanted to make a site for old-school fanboys, for people picking up all issues of the crossover, who wasted money on the mini-series that immediately was retconned. Plus I'm crazy, I think.

Man, I bet I just lost everyone else. Their eyes glazed over at "shortbox" and they went back to www.yahoo.com

Anyways, for those of you still with us, I think the LCS, Local Comic Shop, not Ladies Chapsticking Sensually, is awesome.

Dangit, now I'm started to get distracted about Ladies Chapsticking Sensually.

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TOP 10 REASONS (why your Local Comic Shop is awesome)

1. When the people working there know MORE than you, you say to yourself, "Alright! I'm not the biggest comic geek in my zip code"

2. When the people working there know LESS than you, you say to yourself, "Alright! I'm all super-knowledgable!" as if you won Comic Book Jeopardy.

3. When hot girls are in there. Now I'm spoken for, so there are two views:
- Pre-being-spoken-for:
a. Very nice. Yes, I quoted Borat.
b. She reads comics? Holy cow. "In a relationship? But does he buy indy titles?"

- Post-being-spoken-for:
a. Kind of like being the old guy in any "young guy fails, regains his courage movie".
You give a knowing glance, and inspire them to go for first place.
b. You say "well, she reads comics, but she's not prettier than my girl."

4. Flipping through the book you thought you wanted, but after flipping, said no.

5. Finding a rare book you just know you'd never find in a mega-book-store.

6. Quarter bins.

7. Overhearing personal drama of a comic book geek. You would think comic book geeks would be all "buy the book, then run home" but nooooo, it's like a soap opera in there sometimes. And it's not "that girl won't talk to me" - it's usually "that girl won't talk to me because she's only allowed one phone call in jail and needs to call her husband."

8. Free Comic Book Day. It's like Mardi Gras for fanboys.

9. Most geeks I know don't imagine owning their own bar, their own garage, their own brothel. Brothel?! Oh, good, you're still reading. But most geeks do think, maybe one day, they would run their own shop. It makes us think about the future, and what ifs - and that's a good thing to think about the future. No, not the Marvel "What If" series. Stop being such a comic geek.

10. I don't see most of the LCS owners driving Porsches, owning boats, having two mistresses. These guys are in it because they love what they're doing. And I can respect that.

So, that's my soapbox speech. I hope it was entertaining, maybe illuminating. And as always, if you know someone that reads comics, then feel free to pass my site along. Hey, Parody comics on the shelf are awesome, but who does it for FREE? I do.

Thanks for reading.
S

P.S. My Comic Shop is Trilogy Comics

Skrully Downtime - Wizkids Edition

2008-08-28T15:30:00.001-07:00

Young X-Men 6: The One with Jimmy Olsen

2008-08-27T20:05:00.001-07:00

Marvel Odyssey - a.k.a. Modesy

2008-08-26T23:07:00.001-07:00

Apparently my powers can be used for classic literature, as well as hero comics.

Superman UnReturns

2008-08-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

So the buzz today is about retconning Superman Returns.

(retcon = a type of Dallas-it-was-all-a-dream change)

How can they retcon and not blow people's minds?
(No one accepts a Dallas solution anymore)

Here are my ideas, at least the ones that would appease fanboys.

Sub-Mariner: The Depths ( does not appear in this preview)

2008-08-25T14:24:00.001-07:00

And... I was able to avoid any submarine jokes.

Iron Man 33 Parody - Always Use the Translator

2008-08-24T13:35:00.001-07:00

Woo hoo! Still got it.

Magneto: Testy Mint Preview

2008-08-24T11:03:00.001-07:00

This actually looks like a good story - but all year-one's usually are...

Slacker!

2008-08-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

You may be wondering - where's any new stuff? Well, two weeks on the road will do that to you. Still looking for that MS Paint clone, so nothing new when it's just me & the Mac.

Soon. Soon, I will overfeed the internet with parody. Soon.

Spider-Man: Secret Invasion

2008-08-05T22:20:00.001-07:00

Had time to add a few more...

Skrully Downtime II

2008-08-04T20:35:00.001-07:00

Skrulls. Quiet time. Deep Skrully thoughts.

Everyone Loves a Tickle

2008-07-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

If you love comics, but hate having to know the ins and outs of the stories beforehand, the Initiative is a pretty easy read.
I'd recommend starting either at #1, or at #13 - which kicked off a new team.

This is another wordless preview from Marvel - but I helped fill in the blanks, I think.

When Heroes and Design Stars Collide...

2008-07-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Cable Giant-Size #1 Parody

It's like a big Mad Lib...

PPG ala Grant

2008-07-29T17:52:00.001-07:00

My Ghost Rider #26 Parody. More previews with no words. More fuel for the fire.

Enjoy!

SDCC Alternative

2008-07-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

I guess I should be sad about another year of not making it to San Diego, but the alternative is just so nice.

No lines.
No waiting.
Girls in bikinis on the pier.

Thanks www.majorspoilers.com for those con recaps.

Hulking Out

2008-07-26T15:57:00.001-07:00

Time for some non-Skrull stuff. I don't want to seem like a one-trick parody.

Skrully Downtime I

2008-07-26T15:49:00.000-07:00

Skrulls can't invade constantly. This is what happens in the downtime...

Skrully Downtime IV

2008-07-25T11:06:00.001-07:00

What do Skrulls talk about when they're not invading the Earth?
There are their stories.

Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane (sorta)

2008-07-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

"Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane" is a Mary-Jane-Watson-centered comic.
This is more of a (whoops, almost said Dawson's Creek) Hannah Montana style comic, but still has Spider-Man in it.

It's a really good comic for new readers, as it starts out in the high school times.
You don't need to be a comic geek or know years of Spider-Man history.

Marvel released this preview without words - and once again, I added the missing dialogue.

The inside jokes here:
1. In the current "superhero" Spider-Man comics, there's a redheaded heroine named Jackpot who looks like Mary Jane - but no one's sure yet.

2. "Gwen" is Gwen Stacy - Peter Parker's other potential love interest of mythos. In the "superhero"/twenty years ago history, Green Gobin dropped her off a bridge (yeah, that's where the movie stole it from and replaced her with MJ)

3. "One Day" is a reference to One More Day - probably still the worst thing they've done to Spider-Man.

The inside joke here: "My God. Bees." is a Batman quote. It comes from arguably the worst story of the year "Amazons Attack". One of their weapons: bees.

The inside joke here:
1. This ties in to Marvel's "Secret Invasion". They're not bees. They're Skrulls. Pretending to be bees.

And in all seriousness, sometimes that one page non-crossover like this counts as a "crossover" issue, kind of a way to get people who don't normally buy a book to buy it. Then they get upset. It's why people read books off the shelf.

2. Joe may or may not be a reference to Joe Quesada, who was in charge of Spider-Man's storyline "One More Day" - where magically overnight Spider-Man was no longer married to MJ . If it was Joe, then it would make sense that he would be here to break up the relationship. He has openly said that a happily married Spider-Man was boring for stories. Many disagree.

The blatant joke here: Cherry Chapstick.

The inside joke here: Another dig at the "One More Day" storyline in Spider-Man. If Peter was always and forever going to choose his Aunt over MJ, would MJ have ever bothered to have a relationship with him? Doubtful.

The Bizarro joke: If you am not know Bizarro means backwards, me am have so much sympathy for you.

The inside joke here: Maria Hill is a relatively new character - she's the #2 person in charge of S.H.I.E.L.D. which in the Marvel comics universe is an international military force. Like the Kids Next Door - but grownups. And their main base pretty much crashes in every single comic book where it shows up.

There is no inside joke here - just plain and simple humor.

When Skrull Diplomacy Fails

2008-07-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

History of the Skrulls:
Four Skrulls came to Earth, caused trouble impersonating the Fantastic Four.
The Fantastic Four tricked Skrulls into surrendering.
Then convinced them the only winning solution was to be hypnotized into becoming cows.

Go easy. This story came out probably before you were born.

So if the Skrulls had come back now, how would we explain we made them cows?
And not just cows - but dairy cows?

Thor/SI Preview - In My Own Words

2008-07-22T20:40:00.001-07:00

Marvel releases some good previews - but when they don't provide the words...

Reality Bytes - The Adventures of Almost-Fire-Boy

2008-07-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

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Superhero Voting Reform

2008-07-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

Fist Bumps

2008-07-18T14:45:00.001-07:00

If superheroes were in the real world...

(click on pictures to enlarge)

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Demotivators

2008-07-16T20:49:00.003-07:00

Mixing it up a little, here are some non-SI parodies...

(Explanation: Rookie hero Osiris comes across a talking crocodile and befriends him. He dresses the crocodile. He takes the crocodile on trips with him. And in the end, the crocodile turns on him and eats him.)

(Explanation: Animal Man seemingly dies from a space zombie bite, only to really just be in a deep healing sleep. Five panels after his funeral, his buddies leave, and then he wakes up.)

Sidebar complaint: Rather than bury or destroy the contaminated remains, the heroes leave him on an open slab in an asteroid belt. So it's bad to bring him home and contaminate Earth, but just letting the body float out there in the open was ok.

(Explanation: Wolverine turned down She-Hulk because she slept with a guy. That's a hypocrisy equivalent of Paris not dating a guy because he parties too much.)

(Explanation: After much complaints about a Batgirl-went-evil-inexplicably storyline, it turns out she was just poisoned on a drug that turns you evil. And is curable with one utility-belt shot.)

Skrulzzuuuppp

2008-07-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

The thing that supposedly ticked off the Skrulls to war was a group of heroes (these guys below) going to the Skrull planet, making threats, blowing up stuff, then trying to bolt out of there.

Since we don't know who was and wasn't an impostor, this is my take on "what if they all were Skrulls"?

Fantastic Four: SI Lost Scenes

2008-07-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

Part of the SI preview's showed the Invisible Woman being an impostor.

Here's how I imagined it going down...

Let's be honest. Every guy would have the same idea.

However, if you ask any guy about this statement, then honesty time is over.

======================================

I have no doubts that shape changing would be used as a lever.

======================================

What If... SI Happened Here? (Part II)

2008-07-16T20:27:00.000-07:00

More Skrully Stuff

2008-07-16T07:09:00.001-07:00

If Skrulls had a paper called "The Skrunion"...

Skrull Theory #236:

The Lost Scene between Issues #1 and #2 of Secret Invasion...

(Which is a really good read - pick it up!)

What If... FC happened here?

2008-07-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

And now a word from the other side(s)

What If... SI Happened Here? (Part I)

2008-07-15T17:23:00.000-07:00

A little original artwork. I'll have "the other side" hopefully done tomorrow...

Skrullas Bringin' You Down

2008-07-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

My Skrully Demotivators.

(not that the planet being taken over wasn't demotivating enough)

Oh. Sorry. You hadn't read Secret Invasion yet? Kingo!

P.S. Pick it up.

iMarvels

2008-07-15T10:21:00.001-07:00

Dire Wraiths get no respect.

Skrully Pictures

2008-07-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

I'm starting off with my Secret Invasion parodies.

Right off the bat...

2008-07-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

First Post.

Steviecool Comic Art and Parody Show

X-Men #2 - In My Own Words

Amazing Spider-Man #638 - In My Own Words

Death of Dracula - Addendum

Death of Dracula #1 - In My Own Words

Siege Preview - In My Own Words

Review: Superman World of New Krypton #4

Review: Secret Six #10

Review: Ultimatum #4

Review: Wolverine #72

Review: Dark Avengers #4

The Norman Osborn Interview

Blackest Night: Blirestorm

MajorsSpoilers.com Asked, We Deliver

Blackest Night-Time Funnies

Hawkeye: Dark Reign #1 Parody

Final Crassness

Secret Warriors #1 - ReWorded

Plus One, Minus One Review: Teen Titans #64

Skrully Downtime 12

Plus One, Minus One Reviews: Secret Invasion #7

Skrully Downtime 11

Skrully Downtime 10

Iron Man 7 - Blast

Skrully Downtime 9

Skrully Downtime 8

Spider-Girl #25 - The Preview Without Spider-Girl

The Power of Three (Dollars)

Skrully Downtime VII

Skrully Downtime VI

Daredevil #111: The One With One More Day

Flash for Vice-President

Deadpool #1 Parody: The Answer is Blue

Mighty Avengers #18: Old School Is King

In Praise of the Local Comic Shop

Skrully Downtime - Wizkids Edition

Young X-Men 6: The One with Jimmy Olsen

Marvel Odyssey - a.k.a. Modesy

Superman UnReturns

Sub-Mariner*: The Depths (* does not appear in this preview)

Iron Man 33 Parody - Always Use the Translator

Magneto: Testy Mint Preview

Slacker!

Spider-Man: Secret Invasion

Skrully Downtime II

Everyone Loves a Tickle

When Heroes and Design Stars Collide...

PPG ala Grant

SDCC Alternative

Hulking Out

Skrully Downtime I

Skrully Downtime IV

Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane (sorta)

When Skrull Diplomacy Fails

Thor/SI Preview - In My Own Words

Reality Bytes - The Adventures of Almost-Fire-Boy

Superhero Voting Reform

Fist Bumps

Demotivators

Skrulzzuuuppp

Fantastic Four: SI Lost Scenes

What If... SI Happened Here? (Part II)

More Skrully Stuff

What If... FC happened here?

What If... SI Happened Here? (Part I)

Skrullas Bringin' You Down

iMarvels

Skrully Pictures

Right off the bat...

Sub-Mariner: The Depths ( does not appear in this preview)